The Red Fox stared at the video screens. The Bearscout was far away from most inhabited planets, and it was hard to get good reception. There was a soap opera on screen three, a news broadcast on screen two, and a comedy about moles on screen five. He flicked the screens off. He hated television anyway.  It was the halfway point. The bears had been hibernating for three weeks now. There were three more to go. The Red Fox was exhausted. Physically there was very little to do, but mentally he had worried the whole three weeks and would continue to do so until the bears were up and about. They had dropped off Francois, Gaston, and Pepin and the Mistral on the planet Calypso after a week of trading recipes and many large meals. Everyone gained wight, but as the mice had said, it was well worth it. The following weeks had been fairly uneventful. They had stopped at several planets for a day or so each, sold some cinnamon, and then continued on their way. The Red Fox had reluctantly agreed to fly the ship while the bears hibernated. Once the bears had gone to sleep, it had been something of a relief not to have to cook three large meals every day. But it was also lonely. The Red Fox had grown fond of the bears, even if he did find them a bit peculiar. There were Grandma's stories about her days as a commando, which the Red Fox was at first inclined not to believe, only to have Django assure him that she wasn't telling him the half of it. There was Django's constant noodling at the piano on the second deck. Sometimes the melodies were beautiful, and sometimes the Red Fox found them just strange. Then there was Rollo, the intellectual one. At least that's what the other bears called him. The Red Fox found it strange, for instance, that he would spend hours analyzing the effects of magnetic fields on a jar of peanut butter, but then you had to respect someone who could re-wire a spaceship like The Bearscout, even if you couldn't understand everything he did. Though he liked all of the bears, for reasons that he could never quite pinpoint, the Red Fox liked Skylark the best. Maybe it was the fact that he was so shy and modest. "He has issues to deal with, being a grizzly," Grandma had once told the Red Fox. He had never pressed her on just what she meant by this. In any event, Skylark was the only one who ever helped the Red Fox in the kitchen. He sat back in the chair and stared out the window. He was beginning to believe the bears' assurances that there weren't going to be any problems. That was when he noticed the red light blinking. He looked at the computer screen. LARGE OBJECT AHEAD. He had always worried that if something like this happened that he would panic. Actually, he felt almost relieved. It was going to be a break from the monotony. He had read all of the technical manuals, practiced the computer tutorials, made notes in his blue notebook. The Red Fox knew what to do. He took the computer off auto-pilot. He reduced their speed and brought the ship to within several hundred feet of the object.  It was a rocket-shaped spaceship. The Red Fox picked up the radio microphone. "This is the spaceship Bearscout. Who are you? Are you in trouble?" "This is the Boar's Tusk of the planet Ilium. We have just been raided by pirates. Our captain has been kidnapped, though the rest of us are unharmed." The Red Fox scratched his head. "Do you need any help?" he asked. "No, but we need to talk to you," came the reply. "If we're going to rescue our captain, we need to explain the situation to every spaceship in this part of the galaxy." "Well, then let's talk," said the Red Fox. "Over an unsecured radio line?! I don't suppose you have the software for secured radio communication?" "I doubt it," the Red Fox replied. "In that case," said the voice, "We need to discuss this in person." "You want me to come over?" the fox asked. "How else are we going to discuss this in person?" The Red Fox sighed. "I'll bring the Bearscout in to dock with your ship." One part of him considered waking up one of the bears to do this, but he had grown bold with boredom the last few weeks. Besides, he had been through the docking tutorial on the computer any number of times. The computer was supposed to guide things, though the Red Fox supposed there was room for error. The worst that could happen was that he would crash the two ships against each other, cracking the hulls and killing both crews. He decided to do it anyway. He ran the docking program and the Bearscout rotated itself so that its airlock was opposite the other ship's airlock. According to the computer, the two airlocks were the same size. The two ships inched together until there was an audible click. All the Red Fox had to do was choose a couple of computer prompts and press the Enter button several times. It was over in two minutes. He climbed down to the fourth deck and opened the airlock. The doors slid open with a slight hiss of shifting air. For a second he wondered if there might be an accident. But everything appeared fine. He crossed into the other ship. The Boar's Tusk was full of pigs. He even recognized some of them. "The reception at King Epsilon's!" they exclaimed in recognition. There was much shaking of his paws and clapping him on the back. "But aren't you the cook?" one of the pigs asked. "Yes, didn't you go off with the Cinnamon Bears?" asked another. "Where are the bears?" asked a very small pig. "They're hibernating," he said simply. "Hibernating!" the pigs exclaimed in disgust. "How slothful." "How lazy." "How typical." "It's just something that bears have to do," the Red Fox said, rising to their defense. "And it seems they left their cook to look after things," said one pig stepping forward. "I'm First Officer Quagmire, and I should warn you that this is a very dangerous section of space right now. We've just been raided by the Cyber-Wolf, who has kidnapped our captain."  "Your captain..." the Red Fox mused, trying to remember their captain's name. "The noble pig, Rudin Smoke," First Officer Quagmire said. "Oh yes, now I remember. He was the pig who kept talking at the reception." The Red Fox paused. The pigs were looking at him in a funny way. "He was most inspiring," the fox added. The pigs' expressions softened. "He's a very noble pig," said First Officer Quagmire. "And now that foul wolf has him. The Cyber-Wolf pretended to be a merchant interested in making a deal. When we docked with his ship and Captain Smoke went to talk to him, the wolf took him as a hostage. Now the Cyber-Wolf is holding him for ransom for 10,000 gold credits." The Red Fox whistled. "That's a lot of money." "Captain Smoke's safe return is worth one hundred times that amount," First Officer Quagmire said with emotion. "In fact, we've just been in radio contact with Ilium. The Explorers' Club and the Council of Merchants are willing to pay the money." "Then why don't you just follow the Cyber-Wolf's ship and pay him the money?" the Red Fox asked. "Or does he want it in cash?" "No, no, I'm sure he's willing to accept a credit card number. But we don't have enough fuel to follow him." "Couldn't you just radio him an offer?" The Red Fox asked. "We tried, but his ship is out of radio range by now," answered First Officer Quagmire. "But if you happen to run across him, please convey the offer. He knows how to get in touch with the Explorers' Club." The Red Fox returned to the Bearscout after the pigs assured him that they had just enough fuel to reach the nearest inhabited planet. He ran the computer program to disconnect the ships and then set the Bearscout back on its course towards Caithness. He heated up some leftover calzone for lunch and then tried to take a nap afterwards. It was hard to sleep sitting up, but he must have dozed off; at least he was conscious of waking up. One of the computer screens was blinking a warning message. There was a ship ahead of them; though this time it was a moving ship. The Red Fox studied the computer screen. It was directly on their path, about two hours ahead of them. His first instinct was to alter course to stay away from it. But altering the course would delay their journey and that would make the bears upset. The Red Fox sighed. With a bit of luck the spaceship would go on its way and leave them in peace. He went on fervently hoping this for ten minutes until a message came in on the radio. "Will the spaceship following us please identify itself and explain why it is following us?" The Red Fox picked up the radio microphone. "We are not following you. You just happen to be in our flight path. This ship is the Bearscout, returning to the planet Caithness." "I have heard of the Cinnamon Bears," came the reply. "This is the Cyber-Wolf, captain of the Skeleton's Smile. I would like to meet with you to discuss a guest of mine, the noble pig Rudin Smoke." The Red Fox sighed. Another worst case scenario come true. His heart was beating a shade faster than normal, but he wasn't hysterical just yet. "I have recently met with First Officer Quagmire of the Boar's Tusk," he radioed. "On behalf of the Explorers' Club and the Council of Merchants, I am authorized to offer 10,000 gold credits for the safe return of Captain Rudin Smoke. There were a few moments of radio silence before the reply came. "I have an account with the Council of Merchants. My contacts will check into this offer right now. We will wait at this position for you to dock with us." That didn't sound like such a good idea. The Red Fox went down to wake up Django and explain the situation to him. "Mmmm. The Cyber-Wolf is notorious for tricking people and then stealing them blind," Django said. "But I suppose we should try to help that stupid pig. Don't take the ship any closer than within a half mile of the wolf's ship. They can send the pig over with a rocket pack." With that he rolled over and went back to sleep. The Red Fox marveled again at the bears' ability to sleep in the face of anything, including a clear danger to the ship. An hour and a half later the Bearscout drew towards the Skeleton's Smile. He slowed the ship down and stopped it within a half mile of the Cyber-Wolf's ship.  "Hello, this is the Bearscout," he said over the radio. "This is the Cyber-Wolf. And you must be the Red Fox." "Er... yes." "Good. Now if you're interested in getting Captain Smoke off of my ship, I think it's time we continued this conversation in person." "I'm not bringing the Bearscout any closer to you than it already is," the Red Fox declared. "A sensible precaution when dealing with a known pirate. However, I give you my word that I won't seize or harm you, the bears, or their ship. In just the last few seconds I've gotten a radio message that some of my business associates have contacted the Council of Merchants. As soon as you send a message to Ilium that you have safely recovered the noble pig, 10,000 gold credits will be transferred to my account." "Great," said the Red Fox. "Put him in a spacesuit and send him over." "I've added one condition to his release," the Cyber-Wolf said. "Oh?" "Yes, I'd like some dinner." "Dinner?" the Red Fox asked. "Yes, dinner. I'm not going to hand over my hostage to one of the best chefs in the galaxy without getting a meal in return." "I suppose I could whip up something and send it over," said the Red Fox thinking fast. "No, I don't want something that's been slopped into a plastic container and which needs to be reheated. We've got a fine kitchen on the Skeleton's Smile. I want you to cook something here. You're going to have to come over to get Rudin Smoke yourself. "And what if I refuse?" the Red Fox asked. "There is..." the wolf began, "The matter of a warrant of arrest for the Red Fox, former assistant chef of King Epsilon the Fourth of Ilium, King of the Seven Planets and Lord of the Inner Galaxy." "A warrant of arrest! the Red Fox exclaimed. "For what?" "Breach of contract. You walked off your job without observing the proper legal niceties. Remember?" "What has this got to do with Rudin Smoke?" the Red Fox asked stonily. "I'm sure that rescuing the noble pig Rudin Smoke would create a great deal of good will among the Council of Merchants and the Explorers' Club. Such good will might prove useful in dealing with any legal problems later on; if you catch my drift. Breach of contract does carry the death penalty on Ilium, doesn't it?" The Red Fox didn't reply. "On the other hand," the Cyber-Wolf continued, "Failing to help Captain Smoke, when all the details were known, might become just one more legal difficulty, mightn't it? Maybe someone else will rescue Rudin Smoke later, and maybe someone else won't. If you do, I give you my word that I won't harm you, the bears, or their ship." The Red Fox was silent for several seconds. "I'll be over in a bit," he said slowly over the radio to the Cyber-Wolf. "We'll be expecting you." The Red Fox went to wake up Skylark and explain the situation to him. "Dangerous... it's a trick," the grizzly warned him. "They'll keep you and force you to be their cook. You shouldn't do it." "I don't think it's a trick," the Red Fox said slowly. "I'm going." Skylark shook his head, but got up and went with him to the airlock where he helped the Red Fox into his space suit. They tested a rocket pack and made a few adjustments. The Red Fox checked the computer to make sure that the Cyber-Wolf hadn't moved his ship any closer to the Bearscout. Then he entered the airlock. Skylark closed the inner door behind him. One part of the Red Fox kept telling himself how dangerous this was. Unlike his first space walk, he wasn't going to be attached to a line this time. With a slight misfiring of the rocket pack he could go hurling out of control into space, maybe to be rescued by one of the ships, and maybe not. Another part of him was detached. An accident was unlikely. The Cyber-Wolf might be a notorious pirate, but he was going to get his ransom money, so he would probably hand over Rudin Smoke. The last of the air was pumped out of the chamber, Skylark turned off the gravity, and the outer door slid open. The Red Fox fired the rocket pack and flew out free of the ship. The stars slid past, the Bearscout growing smaller behind him. Ahead, the Skeleton's Smile grew larger as he flew towards it. He stretched his arms out as if he were a bird. He aimed toward a flashing light at one end of the ship. It was the airlock. He turned the rocket pack off, allowing himself to glide inside. His momentum carried him to the far wall and bounced him gently off it. The outer door slid closed and the gravity returned slowly. The air was pumped into the airlock and the inner door slid open. A wolf beckoned to him with his gun. The Red Fox slipped his helmet off.  "Welcome to the Skeleton's Smile," the wolf said. He beckoned again, and the Red Fox followed him. They went down an empty hall and into a large room. Inside were seven wolves and a blue parrot. There were carpets thrown upon each other on the floor, tapestries hanging from the walls and one large window looking out on the stars. There was a wooden table up against one wall as well as several benches. Some of the wolves sat on the floor; some sat on the bench. In a large chair in the center sat the Cyber-Wolf.  The Red Fox couldn't tell if his coat was naturally gray colored or if it had grayed with age. Half of his head seemed to be machine; the other half and its remaining eye studied the fox intently. "Welcome to the Skeleton's Smile." The Red Fox bowed without saying anything. "Please sit down and make yourself at home." The Red Fox carefully sat at the end of one bench. "Is there anything in particular you'd like for dinner?" the fox asked after a moment. "Something with pasta," said one wolf. "No, I want steak," said another. "How about tacos?" asked someone else. The wolves gradually fell silent and everyone turned to look at the Cyber-Wolf. "I think I'd like a vegetable stew," he said slowly. The Red Fox expected the wolves to nod their heads in agreement. After all, this was the notorious pirate, the Cyber-Wolf. Instead, there was dissent. "I've been working all day, and I want some meat." "You always want meat. That's why you're so fat. We should eat more grains. I want pasta." "Doesn't anyone else want tacos?" "Why don't we roast that pig? He'd be fresh." The Cyber-Wolf looked at the Red Fox and held up his paws in a gesture of helplessness. The Red Fox was thinking fast. "Since there seems to be some disagreement, why don't we ask Rudin Smoke what he'd like?" The wolves stopped shouting and everyone stared at the Red Fox. The Cyber-Wolf frowned for a moment and then brightened up. "Yes, that's an excellent idea." He motioned to two of the wolves. "Get our guest." There was an awkward silence for several moments until the pig was brought into the room. The noble pig looked at the Red Fox in confusion. "You were at the reception at King Epsilon's with the Cinnamon Bears. What are you doing here?"  "Actually I'm supposed to be cooking dinner. We were wondering if you had any particular requests?" "Is this some sort of joke?" the pig spluttered. "The Red Fox is here to rescue you." the Cyber-Wolf explained. "As part of the agreement he is cooking dinner tonight." "And what's the rest of the agreement?" the pig asked suspiciously. "I wouldn't worry myself about that right now if I were you. I'm sure you'll hear more about it than you want to when you return." The noble pig looked thoughtful for a minute. "In that case, I'd like some cheese fondue." The galley was not the cleanest kitchen the Red Fox had ever worked in. However, there appeared to be enough cheese to make fondue, so he couldn't complain. In fact, the whole thing was quite easy. He melted the cheese, added the caraway seeds, cut the bread, and threw a salad together. Or rather, the whole thing would have been quite easy without the help. The help consisted of four wolves, all of whom wanted to learn how to cook. "How much dressing should I put on the salad?" "The cheese at the bottom of the pan is starting to burn." "Do you want the bread cut in long thin pieces or short fat ones?" "Can you give me your recipe for tacos before you go?" A short time later the fox and his four helpers carried the fondue into the main room and placed it on the bench. He wondered what they were going to use for fondue forks to dip the bread into the fondue. One of the wolves pulled out a long knife, speared a bit of bread, and dipped it into the cheese. "Don't worry; the knife's clean," he said to the fox. "Mine is too." "So's mine." One of the wolves sulked off without saying anything, apparently to clean his knife. He came back a few minutes later, visibly happier. Knives were brought for the Red Fox and Rudin Smoke. "Please don't use them to try to escape," the Cyber-Wolf warned. "Or we'll cut you up and put you in the fondue pot." It didn't sound like a serious threat, but it took the edge off the Red Fox's appetite. "Do I have to do the dishes too before I go?" the fox asked. "No, we can leave that to the kitchen help," said the Cyber-Wolf, glaring at the other wolves. "So long as you give me your taco recipe," said one. "So what happened to your last ship, the Tarantula's Blood?" Rudin Smoke asked the Cyber-Wolf as they dipped their bread in the cheese sauce. "Actually, we had one ship in between the Tarantula's Blood and the Skeleton's Smile," the Cyber-Wolf boasted. "That was the Jaws of Death." "Do you go through lots of ships?" the Red Fox asked. "In this line of business it happens," the wolf replied. The Tarantula's Blood was unfortunately destroyed after being boarded by a hostile party. A few of us managed to escape just in time. "The Jaws of Death wasn't as large a spaceship as we might have liked," he added. "After a series of business deals the Skeleton's Smile came into my paws, and I found it easiest to dispose of the Jaws of Death." The Red Fox was glad he had left the Bearscout at some distance. No doubt the Cyber-Wolf would want it too if he saw it close up. "Have you always been in... this business?" the fox asked. "Why don't you ask the noble pig Rudin Smoke?" the wolf replied testily. The Red Fox looked from the wolf to the pig in confusion. "We were roommates in school; that's all," said the pig. "The noble pig also sponsored my membership application in the Explorers' Club," said the Cyber-Wolf. "You were a member of the Explorers' Club!?" the Red Fox exclaimed. "Yes. And during my six years, three months, and twelve days of active membership, I discovered eleven new planets, arranged five interplanetary treaties, and brought Arkadian ice cream to Ilium," the wolf said proudly. "What happened?" the fox asked. "Mr. Wolf here disobeyed the Council of Merchants and was expelled from the Explorers' Club," the pig spluttered. "I was set up!" the wolf shouted back. The two began trading curses and insults. One of the other wolves came up to the Red Fox. "Maybe now would be a good time to give me that taco recipe." The Red Fox quietly recited a chicken, cabbage, and salsa taco recipe from memory while the wolf dutifully took notes. The noble pig and the Cyber-Wolf ran out of insults and lapsed into a sullen silence. The fondue also ran out. "This has been a most delightful meal, but I'm anxious to be off," Rudin Smoke said stiffly. "Do you mind if we're on our way?" The Red Fox tensed. Either the Cyber-Wolf had his own peculiar sense of honor and he would let them go, or he was a liar who would keep them captive. The wolf took out a cigar and lit it. "I'm afraid, Rudin my dear pig, that you and our new chef aren't going anywhere." |
