The Red Fox looked around. The room was fairly dark, so he closed his eyes again. After the Cyber-Wolf had told him that he was a prisoner, he had been taken to this room, where he had waited for hours. He had tried to sleep but couldn't. Was the Cyber-Wolf going to hold him for ransom or was he really going to keep him a prisoner, working as the wolves' chef? The door opened and in strode the blue parrot. He chuckled. "Isn't our guest happy?" "What's happening?" the Red Fox asked. "The Cyber-Wolf is going to tell you later what sort of ransom the bears have agreed to pay for you. But right now, Ilfing the First Mate wants an early breakfast. You're the new cook; you fix it." "Oh," the Red Fox said weakly. "I hadn't realized that I was supposed to start cooking so soon." "Of course you are, you moron," the parrot laughed. "Did you think we were going to give you a paid vacation before you started?" The Red Fox frowned. No one had ever called him a moron before. "Any stupider and we'd have to sell you for a fur skin coat," the parrot muttered. "Aw, don't take it personally," he said when he saw the look on the Red Fox's face. "I should be used to everyone being way stupider than I am. I'm genetically perfect, after all."  "Oh?" "Yeh, I'm Ajax, the genetically perfect parrot. It took twenty-two generations of special breeding and state of the art genetic engineering to produce me." He ruffled his feathers a bit. "I'm genetically perfect. I'm faster, stronger, better looking, and way smarter than just about everyone. So don't worry if you're a moron compared to me. Practically everyone is." The Red Fox didn't say anything. The parrot led him out the door and down a corridor. "I gotta warn you though," said Ajax. "I'm the Second Mate, and I'm pretty reasonable. "But Ilfing is in one of his poetic moods." "Moods?" "Yeh. Sometimes he can be kind of strange to talk to." They emerged into a room with a large round window looking out on the stars. A woven carpet was spread out on the middle of the room, and a wolf sat there alone, his legs folded up under him. "That's Ilfing, the First Mate," Ajax whispered. "Here's the new cook," Ajax said to the wolf. "Very good," the wolf replied without even turning around. Ajax stood off to one side. The Red Fox stepped forward so that he was in front of the wolf. "Please be seated," Ilfing said. There was no other place to sit, so the Red Fox sat down on one corner of the carpet. "Do you like poetry?" the wolf asked. "I suppose so," the Red Fox answered. This struck him as an odd question, given the situation, but Ajax had warned him. The wolf cleared his throat and recited: The desert wind caresses the moon Silent, like a wet eyelash "That's... nice," the Red Fox said after a moment. "I try," Ilfing beamed. "I don't suppose you write any poetry yourself, do you?" "No, I'm just a cook." The wolf sighed. "One doesn't tend to meet many poets in this line of business." An eagle soars the sky, silent "I suppose you've wondered why I've had you brought here," Ilfing said. "Ajax said that since I'm the new cook I'm supposed to fix breakfast for you" the Red Fox replied. "Yes. The cheese fondue last night was excellent. I believe the Cyber-Wolf intends to keep you on as cook of the Skeleton's Smile, at least until your ransom is paid. If I have any say in the matter at all, you won't be harmed in the least." "Harmed in the least!?" "Well, it is true that I'm the First Mate and not the Captain. I do have to obey to the Cyber-Wolf. But if I advise him not to harm you, he probably won't. He's quite clever in most matters but he has no taste at all for poetry. But you know what they say: The deaf ear the withered cabbage The Red Fox wasn't sure if this was a quote or an original bit, but he was afraid to ask. "Don't worry; he rarely tortures prisoners," Ilfing continued. "His executions are generally quick and painless." The Red Fox tried to think of a bright side to all of this. "Don't look so glum," Ilfing said. The play of sunlight over the corpse's smile "What is life but a series of bad options and worse choices? Now about breakfast. Do you do stews?" "Yes." "Excellent," said Ilfing. "I'll have Ajax show you down to the galley since you're still a prisoner. You can see what our normal fool of a chef has down there, and see what kind of a stew you can make. It will get your mind off all of this torture and execution business." "Ajax, please show our guest down to the galley and assist him with anything he needs." The parrot led the Red Fox back into the galley where he had fixed the cheese fondue several hours earlier. He searched through the various pantries and freezers, and one by one got the items which he needed for a stew: vegetables, spices, peanuts, coconut milk, rice, and so forth. Before long, he was mixing it in a pot over a large burner. Ajax gave some curious sniffs. "Hey, that smells pretty good. Almost as good as the stew my mother used to make. But don't take that as an insult," he added. "She was almost genetically perfect, so naturally she was a great cook. You shouldn't compare yourself against her." "I wasn't," the Red Fox observed. "Now if you'd show me where the bowls and spoons are, perhaps we could see about serving First Mate Ilfing." The parrot got out three bowls and spoons. "You'd also better make some coffee," he said. "Ilfing always has coffee made with black nuts, with milk and cream added. I take mine with a spoonful of rum. The beans are over there." The Red Fox ground the beans and brewed the coffee. A few minutes later he was back in the room with Ilfing and Ajax the genetically perfect parrot. "Don't worry about what I said earlier about being executed," Ilfing said after a while. The Cyber-Wolf has never ordered an execution of a new cook. And I can't imagine anyone ordering your execution after eating stew like this..." The Red Fox looked at his right paw and noticed that it was shaking slightly. "It will be another half hour or so before you have to make breakfast for the crew," Ilfing said. "Why don't you go get me another cup of coffee. Put a bit more cream in it this time, will you?"  The Red Fox nodded and smiled. He felt that his long term chances for survival were better if he stayed on Ilfing's good side. He followed Ajax again down to the galley and made some more coffee for Ilfing and returned to Ilfing's room. "Very good," the wolf said, "I've just gotten a message from the Captain while you were in the galley. You and I have an appointment with the Cyber-Wolf." The Red Fox felt his stomach roll over in a knot. He remained silent as he followed Ilfing out into the corridor to another room. As they reached the end of the hall, the door in front of them slid open. A floor to ceiling glass wall filled the room with starlight. At one end of the room was a desk. The Cyber-Wolf was sitting there smoking a cigar.  The Red Fox stared, his heart pounding. What was going to happen now? "You're dismissed, Ilfing. I would like to question the prisoner alone." The First Mate bowed and left the room. The Red Fox felt as if he was going to faint. Was the Cyber-Wolf going to torture him now? "Ilfing said that you've just made him a stew for breakfast." "Ajax told me that I had to," the Red Fox answered. "No doubt. I think I'd like some myself. If there isn't any left over, make up some more." The Red Fox nodded but didn't say anything. "His poetry is awful, isn't it?" the wolf said. "Well..." The Red Fox hesitated. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to criticize First Mate Ilfing's poetry to the Cyber-Wolf. "None of it rhymes," the wolf observed, blowing out a puff of smoke reflectively. "No," the Red Fox agreed. "He always recites some of his poetry to the new prisoners." The Cyber-Wolf shook his head and was silent for a moment. "I've talked on the radio to the bears and to the Council of Merchants," he said at last. "You might be interested in knowing, that I intend to keep part of our agreement. After the promise of another 10,000 gold credits, I've decided to release our noble pig, Rudin Smoke. We are proceeding to a rendezvous point where we will hand him over to his fellow pigs on the Boar's Tusk." The Cyber-Wolf paused and looked at the Red Fox carefully. "I looked into making a similar arrangement for you. The Cinnamon Bears must like your cooking very much. They offered to sell their spaceship to raise money to ransom you." The Red Fox felt tears of relief in his eyes. He blinked several times hoping that the Cyber-Wolf wouldn't notice. "Oh," he replied. "It will probably take them a week or two, so I'm keeping you here as chef in the meantime. I'll have Ajax work with you in the kitchen." The Red Fox hated working in strange kitchens, and the galley of the Skeleton's Smile was strange. The sink was too small, the air was stuffy, and Ajax the genetically perfect parrot kept getting in his way. "Could you please stand over there. I'm trying to finish this oyster dip." "Touchy today aren't we," the parrot shot back. "You'd be touchy too if you were forced to work on a strange ship. Now would you please get out of my way so I can fix the oyster dip?" "There's no need to be melodramatic," the parrot sniffed. "I've seen lots of prisoners forced to work while someone tried to raise money to ransom them. And I've never known any of them to whine so much about it." "They probably didn't have to fix oyster dip. Now get some crackers out of that box and put them on a plate next to the garlic toast, would you?" "Aren't you going to spread the dip on them?" the parrot asked. "They're supposed to do that for themselves," the Red Fox answered. "Remember, these are pirates we're talking about," said Ajax. "They don't butter their bread if they don't have to, and I doubt if they'll know to put the dip on the cracker." "Suit yourself," said the Red Fox. "I don't care any more." The Red Fox went back to fixing the afternoon snack for that day. A half hour or so later two wolves came to the galley and helped the Red Fox carry the trays of food up to the Cyber-Wolf's cabin. Ajax, as usual didn't carry anything, though he did open doors for them. It had been nearly a week now since the Red Fox had been captured and he now knew most of the wolves by name. There was Ilfing, and Malithion Jack the gunner, the two brothers Scrimshaw and Slivertooth, Black Muspell the computer expert, and Abercrombie the accountant. All of the wolves were laughing at some joke except for Slivertooth. But as soon as they saw the snack they stopped talking and started eating the crackers and oyster dip. "This stuff is awfully good," the Cyber-Wolf said. "I'm glad your friends haven't met my ransom demands yet." "He's the best cook I've ever come across," said Black Muspell. "We could make a fortune by selling him to someone who wants a good cook." "He's not for sale," the Cyber-Wolf said between mouthfuls. "Either the Cinnamon Bears make the ransom demand or we keep him." "Don't be ridiculous," said Scrimshaw. "Prisoners are always for sale. That's why one takes prisoners." "Not this prisoner," said the Cyber-Wolf. "The matter isn't open for discussion. Now let's get on to the business at hand. We're supposed to hand Rudin Smoke over to the pigs when we meet his ship at the contact point tonight." "The garlic toast is pretty good too," Slivertooth said. "I'm glad that you like the food," the Cyber-Wolf said, hissing each syllable. "But I think we've discussed our cook and the food more than enough for today." The Cyber-Wolf glanced over at the Red Fox, still standing in the corner. "I want supper served here in an hour and a half. Now go." The Red Fox walked out the door, where a wolf was waiting to escort him back to the galley. They were there in a short time. The Red Fox noted that Ajax was nowhere in sight. On one hand, it would be nice not to have the parrot there lecturing him about the joys of being genetically perfect. But on the other hand, he liked to have someone to talk to. The wolf shut the galley door behind him without entering himself. No doubt he would keep guard out in the hall. Ajax the genetically perfect parrot returned to the kitchen just as the Red Fox was finishing preparing supper. "I hope it's almost ready, because the Cyber-Wolf wants it now," he said to the Red Fox. "Geez, what's that smell?" "This is a spicy pasta," The Red Fox said to the parrot. In fact he had used every spice, clove, oil, onion and garlic in the galley. The parrot sniffed cautiously. "Spicy?" "They'll love it," the Red Fox said casually. "There's only a tiny bit of meat in it, and you can assure the Cyber-Wolf that it's not overdone. Now why don't you get a couple of wolves down here. I made an extra large batch. We've got four large bowls to carry upstairs." Ajax went out and returned a few minutes later with two wolves to carry the food up to the Cyber-Wolf's cabin. The Red Fox directed them to carry the four large covered bowls of pasta. He himself carried several smaller bowls. Just as they were leaving the galley an alarm began ringing. "What's that?" the Red Fox asked. "An emergency," Ajax yelled. "I've got to see what's going on." He disappeared down the corridor. "We'd better go too," one of the wolves said. "Well at least put the bowls back in the galley," the Red Fox answered. The wolves gave him a strange look, but did as he asked. The Red Fox sat down on a stool in a corner of the kitchen. He was wondering what to do with the pasta to keep it from getting cold when the ship gave a tremendous lurch, knocking the Red Fox, along with nearly everything else in the galley, onto the floor. The Red Fox's mind raced. Were they under some sort of attack? Was he going to be killed? He got up and looked around. The bowls had fallen on the floor, and the pasta was all over. The Red Fox cursed to himself. If they weren't all killed, he was going to have to make another dinner tonight.  The ship gave another lurch and this time the lights went off. The galley had no windows, so it was pitch black. The Red Fox felt his heart racing. He was really scared now. What was happening? Feeling in the dark with his paws, he crawled over to where he thought the door was. He touched the pasta on the floor by accident and cursed again. Now his left paw was all messy. He kept on crawling until he hit his head against the wall. Feeling along the wall he finally found the door and opened it. The hall was pitch black too. The Red Fox halted. There was no way that he was going to stumble down the hall in the dark. He'd probably fall down the stairs by accident and break his neck. The sound of shouting came to his ears. What was going on? Was there a fire? Had they been hit by a missile? Was there some sort of mutiny going on? The lights suddenly flickered on. The Red Fox went and stood in the kitchen doorway, unsure what to do. If the pirates were fighting with each other or with some one else, it would probably be best to hide in the galley. That way there would be less chance of getting shot by accident. He went and stood in the doorway. But on the other hand he hated to wait and not know what was going on. Someone was running down the stairway at the end of the hall. He stepped inside the galley and half closed the doorway. It was Ajax. He opened the door and stepped out. "What's happening?" "We've been attacked," the parrot shouted back. "It's those no-good pigs. They cheated. We were supposed to deliver Rudin Smoke to them when they paid the ransom later tonight, but they cheated and came early. They've got guns and they've boarded the ship. Follow me!" "Follow you where?" the Red Fox asked. "To the lifeboat, you fool." "I didn't know we had lifeboats." "Of course we do. Every pirate ship does. How else would we escape when someone captures the ship? Now come on." Ajax started off down the hall. The Red Fox pretended to start following him. "I hurt my ankle when the ship lurched," he yelled. "I'm coming as fast as I can." He paused. Ajax wasn't stopping to wait for him. The Red Fox turned and ran the other way. This was his chance to escape the pirates. He had to find the pigs who were rescuing Rudin Smoke. He ran up the stairs to the next level. A wolf nearly ran into him. It was Scrimshaw.  "The other way, you fool," the wolf yelled. "We've been boarded. To the lifeboats." The Red Fox decided to play ignorant. "What's happening? The ship lurched and the lights went out..." "We're being boarded, you stupid fox. The Boar's Tusk snuck up on us and boarded us before we knew what was happening. They used some sort of computer virus on our instruments. The pigs are here to rescue Rudin Smoke." "What?" the Red Fox asked, acting as surprised as he possibly could. Scrimshaw had pushed past him by now and was at the bottom of the stairs. "Come on, you stupid fox." The Red Fox took a step after him, limping. "I'll try, but I hurt my ankle when the ship lurched." The wolf was gone. The Red Fox waited a moment to see if he would come back after him, but he didn't. He stepped out of the stairway into the main corridor. There were many pigs down at the other end of the hall, some of them pointing guns in his direction. "Don't shoot," he shouted. He raised his hands in the air just for good measure. Several of the pigs advanced towards him. As they drew nearer he recognized them both as pigs he had seen on the Boar's Tusk. "It's the fox," one of them shouted back to another pig. They halted and another pig stepped in front of them. It was First Officer Quagmire. The Red Fox stayed still. Why didn't they lower their guns?  "You don't know how glad I am to see you," he said. "I tried to rescue Rudin Smoke, but the pirates lied, and they've had me working as their cook for the last week." Quagmire stared at him a moment before speaking. "I wish I could believe your story. But for now it's my duty to inform you, in the name of the Royal Space Force of Epsilon, The Council of Merchants, and the Explorers' Club, that you are under arrest for piracy." "Don't forget the breach of contract charge," one of the other pigs added. The ship gave another lurch and the lights flickered out for a moment before coming back on. "Hey, where's the fox?" First Officer Quagmire shouted. The fox had retreated down several hallways and entered an emergency exit into a lifeboat just as Ajax and Scrimshaw were sealing the door. "Your limp is gone," Ajax noted as the Red Fox jumped in beside them. Scrimshaw pulled a switch and the door slid closed behind them. There was a loud noise and the Red Fox found himself thrown against one of the walls as the lifeboat shot out from the Skeleton's Smile. The interior of the lifeboat was about the size of a large elevator. There was one small porthole from which the Red Fox could see the Skeleton's Smile and The Boar's Tusk, grower smaller and smaller as the lifeboat drew away from them. "You see, you just can't trust pigs," Ajax said to the Red Fox. "You thought that they would rescue you, but they were going to arrest you, right?" "You don't have to be genetically perfect to figure that one out," said Scrimshaw. "What happens now?" the Red Fox asked. "We were supposed to meet up with the other lifeboats at a predetermined rendezvous point," Scrimshaw said, frowning as he stared at the small instrument panel." "What do you mean 'supposed to'?" Ajax demanded. "The computer virus seems to have affected the lifeboat's computer memory," the wolf grumbled. "We don't have the coordinates for the rendezvous point." He stared at the control panel a while longer. "In fact, we don't have much of any computer memory. We're going to have to land on the nearest planet." "You mean that red one over there," said the Red Fox looking out the window. "That must be Outremer," said Ajax. "Outremer!" the Red Fox exclaimed. He had grown up reading about Outremer, and its emerald green canals and crystal towers, its goblins, the windships plying the desert sands, and the hordes of mummies. He shivered. "Hang on," said Scrimshaw. "We're gonna be landing there in a few minutes. Better put on your seatbelts too. It's going to be a crash landing." |
